Archive for September, 2010

I’m back

Not from the dead or anything supercool like that. I haven’t been on a two month bender, fear not. It’s hard to explain why I haven’t posted in a long time. I guess I thought I didn’t have very much to say. But the truth is, I do.

I feel great. I feel free. For a while, all I could think about was what I was going to do to distract myself from how much I wanted a drink. No, that isn’t right. It wasn’t about the drink itself, it was what the drink represented. It was something to look forward to, a reward for a day lived. The booze represented something existing in a big void, like a cork filling a breach in the hull of an ocean liner. The problem wasn’t that I needed to get rid of the cork, the problem was that I needed to get rid of the hole. Not fill it, mind, just unload the sense that I was entitled to something harmful. It’s a vicious sort of cycle when you want something, not because you really want IT, but because you want SOMETHING.

Thanks very much to the folks who have commented. Remember how I was saying that, to me, writing feels very personal and like being naked? Well, I guess sometimes you lose your nerve and run back into the dressing room. It’s good to be back. A little chilly.


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